A story I HATE to tell

Out of my whole life, there is one story, one experience that makes me literally sick to my stomach.  Even looking back at pictures of Aili, with her chest open & being able to see her heart beating, doesn't make me cringe like this story does.

You see there are SO many stories going around right now about children & babies accidentally being left in cars.  The end result is never good and it kills me to even think about it.  There is a PSA video right now, that I refuse to watch.  The thought of what happens to the poor baby left in the car makes my stomach turn, but you know what else drives me insane?!  The response from MOST people.  Sure there are plenty of people in my newsfeed sharing the video, just to get the word out, but there are many others with judgmental words.  Between my own newsfeed & the comments left on articles & videos, I want to hide in a hole in the ground & cry.

"How could any good parent do that?!"

"They don't deserve kids!"

So many comments just like those.

Well you see, two years ago, I was that parent for a brief two seconds.  Me!  It's unbelievable. I mean, no I'm no perfect parent, but I'm told by many I'm a good mom.  There are truthfully few days where I feel like a good mom, but others say it often.

So here I was, two years ago, on July 17th, 2011.  I had a newborn baby (5-6 weeks old).  She was exclusively breastfed.  I also had a 10 year old, a 4 year old & a 2.5 year old.  My 2.5 year old, Aili, that I mentioned at the beginning of this blog, was set to have her 3rd open heart surgery the next day.  I was worried about the next day, about my daughter's surgery, about leaving my newborn & hoping she would take a bottle from my mom.  There were SO many things going through my head.  My Mom & I went to run a last minute errand.  We were talking about the next day, what it would entail, etc.  I parked the car, we both got out.  I LOCKED the van & took two steps.  

My Mom then said, "What about the baby?"

Instantly I burst into tears!  I knew exactly what could have happened.  My Mom reassured me that once I got to the door of the store, I would have realized.  It was the worst moment of my life.  It makes me physically ill.

So for those of you judging others, it can happen to anyone.  It's an accident.

The best things I can do for my children

**This was written in response to some "flack" I saw in regards to this post - http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/3248085?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

Most of what I saw in my newsfeed was mothers who really enjoy the above post.  One response rubbed me the wrong way though.

The best things I can do for my children

There are so many great articles and blogs lately about doing your best at parenting, making sure you don't raise a spoiled brat, etc.  Most make us normal mortal mothers feel better about ourselves, which truthfully in turn makes us better mothers.  If we're spending our time worrying about being good & comparing ourselves to everyone else, we're not able to do our best.  That's exactly it 'our best!'  You see my best will be far different from your best, and that's ok.  Both of our children will be lovingly cared for.  Sure my dishes may be done* & yours aren't, but guess what, my laundry sure as heck isn't done.  So what can I do for these precious children I'm doing MY best to raise?

I can teach them compassion and empathy.  Some of the most important lessons are learning about others.  Even now, as an adult, I learn so much from caring about others.  Tonight I'm making dinner for my family and 2-3 other families too (new baby, child just had surgery & possibly a new neighbor)!  On another occasion my children and I enjoyed buying a dozen roses, going to the mall & giving a single rose out to random people.  I gave each child a certain number of roses and instructed them to give them to someone who looked like they could use a 'pick me up.'  Most of the recipients were older ladies and a few children.  Each person was delighted!!  One lady even hugged the girls, cried a little & said she had always wished to have a little girl.

I can teach them NO!  To take a little from a recent post I read, we live in a privileged world.  My children have all they need and then some.  As hard as I try, my children still can be spoiled brats.  I try, and try, to teach them kindness, empathy, etc.  Sometimes it sticks, but a lot of times I still am on the receiving end of an attitudinal 6 year old girl.  My children need to hear no.  They can't receive every wish & whim they want.  That isn't going to help them in life.  Of course I'm not going to say no all the time, left & right.  Believe me, we have WAY too many toys (even after recently going through and getting rid of a playrooms worth of toys).  We have WAY too many clothes too. My 2 year old not only has hand-me-downs from her two older siblings, but also from about 3 friends.  You don't even want to know what her room looks like!  I go through her clothes often, passing on what I can too.  Telling them no & teaching them they don't always need everything they want, will enrich their lives far more than the 25th My Little Pony will.

You see for my children (and others) to learn empathy, they need to know there are others less fortunate than them.  That there are people they can help.  That there are things in this world they can do, to enrich their own lives & the lives of others.  So I'll continue to teach them.  I'll continue to come up with helpful life lessons.  We as a family will continue to go through toys to donate, pick up trash in our neighborhood & make meals for those in need, just like others did for us, when our 'new' baby was born & when our daughter had open heart surgery.  Those experiences & gestures are what they will remember when they grow up.  They won't remember mom saying no, or one of their 25 My Little Pony's, they're going to remember the look on someone's face that they helped.

I must be doing something right, because my 12 year old son, jumps at the chance to help anyone he can in need.  Just today at the store, when an elderly person knocked over a display of spices, he ran over and helped pick them up.

I'll keep doing my best to teach my children, the best I can.

*usually my dishes are a huge pile, but for today, I can say they are blissfully done.  My sink is a sparkling!! Fly Lady would be proud!

-Kiersten